Missing puzzle pieces

"It’s a complex puzzle you call your life
It’s an uphill climb, it’s a constant fight
And it wears you down
Feeling like you’re alone, like you don’t belong
Like you won’t be loved if you don’t measure up
And you wear your scars
Like they’re who you are"

I'm wearing my scars today. Dark purple, jagged, and raw; like they're who I am. 

Today was not my best day.

By nature, I'm a peace-keeper. A mender. A helper. (Hence why I became a doctor, I guess). Today though, a little peice of my world fell in around me--and I watched it collapse, poured the kerosene, then threw a match at the whole thing. 

The hardest thing in my life thus far had been being a good mom--and even harder still is attempting to be a good stepmom. It's the kind of job I wouldn't wish on anyone. My exact words today were that "I would rather take Part 4 Boards every week than have to be in this situation." 

So when the most difficult task laid before you is met by disapproving and snide remarks, combined with persistent feelings of inadequacy and a general sensation of constant drowning, over my head... Well... It's an uphill climb, it's a constant fight. 

Sometimes I wonder; is there a person alive who would call themselves a good, successful parent--aside from those who have not yet had children?  Everyone seems to have regrets and woulda-coulda-shoulda's. There's no such thing as good enough.

I feel like I've done things in my life some people wouldn't dream of... Taken college courses and passed tests and gone places and overcome challenges... But all of it pales in comparison to the difficulty that lies in becoming a patient, loving, effective and efficient parent. And that pales in comparison to being a half-way decent step parent. 

Humans were designed to be monogamous--that much I know. There is no way that God designed or intended any of the drama or heartache that comes from trying to parent someone else's child. 

As I said goodbye to those two little freckled faces for another 6 months today I couldn't help but think of my own step parent. He wasn't perfect, no one is. But I am exponentially more appreciative and thankful for all he did. I can't imagine what he went through--especially those first few years. And he managed to encourage, support, and love me despite having another step child and four of his own. On the scorecard of life I'd check that one off in the "success" column.

Every time I see the boys I feel as though my imaginary hourglass has been turned upside down. And every time I say goodbye I wonder how many grains of sand I've thrown to the wind and wasted. It's such a small chance I have to impact those lives, and there's always so much I wish I had done differently. And today it was reinforced to me that I'm certainly not doing a good enough job. 

Can I live up to the examples that have been set around me, or at the very least can I do what I need to do without going completely insane? 

Today I don't know the answer. And I chose to give in and focus on my other OCD tendencies instead... Because they are easier. 

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

It sure is a complex puzzle we call our lives.

Essential oils for dummies

If you know me, chances are good you know that I use (and love) essential oils. And if you've seen them in action or heard me rant, you know that they work.  Heck, we had our family anoint us with oils as part of our wedding ceremony.

I get a lot of questions about oils, and I thought it might be fun to just do a quick post about the basics. I am NOT an expert by any stretch... but here's a little bit of what I do know. Hopefully it will help!

1. If you've tried some essential oils and think that they don't work, you have to remember that you get what you pay for. (And believe me, I am about as thrifty as they come. This is not a place to skimp.) It stinks, I know. If you want to use essential oils don't waste your money on cheapo grocery store oils. They are fragrance in a bottle. The therapeutic effects are lost due to poor processing techniques, additives and other chemicals. Think about it this way: would you buy your vitamin C tablets from a guy squeezing oranges into his sock and then filling little plastic capsules or spend a couple more bucks on the actual vitamin C tablets? This being said, any references I make here are regarding high quality oils. I do not recommend using cheap oils.

2. In general, avoid eye contact. Since the oils will absorb into your skin and spread, try not to get oils too close to your eyes (1-2" away is probably okay). The oils generally speaking should not cause any damage to your eyes, but certain oils can be very uncomfortable!! If you do get oils in your eyes (or anywhere you don't want them) DO NOT rinse with water. Flush the area with olive or vegetable oil.   FYI: my daughter had some Thieves oil on her fingers one day and rubbed her eyes. Immediately started crying. I laid her on her back and dumped olive oil right in the corner of her eyes and then rubbed it around with a soft cotton ball. She was completely fine within a few seconds. No issues or damage whatsoever.

3. Oils don't really expire. That being said, they are somewhat finicky. It's best to keep them in room temperature or cool areas, AWAY from sunlight and heat! They are in dark bottles for a reason. I mix my fly spray in a clear spray bottle sometimes and if it sits out for too long it loses potency. Dark bottles or out of direct sunlight is best.

4. Some oils DO STAIN and they can be hard to remove from clothing. Keep this in mind whenever you use them!

                          


Some of my favorite uses for oils:

Headaches-- MGrain oil or Peppermint rubbed into neck and temples
Viruses/illness-- Thieves oil; diffuse, put a few drops in your water (to drink), or rub on chest and feet
Coughs/colds-- RC oil; diffuse or rub on chest and feet (I add this to our humidifier when the kids are sick)
Heartburn-- Peppermint oil; put a drop or two on the back of your hand and slowly lick/suck on the area. You could put it right into your mouth... but you might only do that once. It's pretty potent.
Pain due to inflammation (acute injuries or intense inflammatory response)-- PanAway oil applied to area, then swap between ice and heat (15 min each)
Deep pain (arthritis)-- Deep Relief roll on applied to area
Sore tight muscles-- Marjoram applied, with a back rub of course!
Ligament dammage (ankle sprain, etc)-- Lemongrass applied and rubbed in to area
Diaper rash-- Lavender oil mixed into coconut oil and applied liberally to area
Bug bites-- Lavender oil applied directly
Acne-- Tea tree oil (melaleuca alternifolia) applied directly
Removing GUNK-- Lemon oil removes the most stubborn sticky, gummy, ick/tape, etc from just about any surface without damaging it
Eliminating odors-- Purification oils diffused or just dropped in garbage cans, etc (wherever smell is)
Cleaning anything-- Thieves household cleaner (mixed with water). Toilets, sinks, kitchen counters, windows... I could go on. Smells amazing, kills bacteria, viruses and mold, gets rid of sticky goo, kids and pets can lick it; what more could you want??
Anxiety-- Stress away roll on or Peace & Calming oil. Rubbed onto neck, wrists, and feet.
Burns/sunburn-- Lavender rubbed directly onto skin
Cuts/scrapes and slivers-- Animal scents ointment under a bandaid. I get cut while working with horses often, and they are DIRTY cuts. Even if they go a day or two and get infected I always use this stuff and within minutes the pain is gone, and by the next day the swelling and irritation is gone! I've had little slivers that are hard to remove and I'll put this ointment on under a bandaid and it draws out the infection and usually the sliver just easily pops out the next day. Amazing stuff.
I'm sure I missed a few... feel free to comment if you think of anything!

BUG SPRAY RECIPE
In a large spray bottle, combine:
1/2 cup vegetable oil/olive oil
25-30 drops peppermint
20 drops lemongrass
15 drops marjoram
Mix well and then top off with water. You will have to shake this before and during use, but it is an awesome insect repellent!! And if your kids are like mine and they lick their arms after you put this on, there is absolutely nothing toxic or harmful!

If you think about it, you could essentially get rid of a large percentage of your household cleaners, Tylenol, cough/cold meds, indigestion/heartburn meds, bug spray, and more. If you are concerned about toxins in, on, or around your body, your pets, or your kids... this is worth looking into!

****Please note that NONE of this page constitutes as medical advice in any way. 

The manufacturers of essential oils (or myself) do not claim to cure, treat, or prevent any disease by using oils. Use them at your own risk.****

"I swear if I find one more lego piece laying around, I'm going to..."

Stop right there. Don't finish that sentence.


Breath. Inhale, exhale.


When I met my husband I remember thinking, "Oh he has two sons! How cute! I love little boys."

Backtrack a little farther... I distinctly remember telling my older brother that I would never, ever have kids. That whole 'giving birth' business sounded disturbing and messy. And I wasn't about to be strapped down and have my independance snatched from me. (Oh, how we change!)

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well, it's too true. I've noticed that the things that would irritate me to NO END actually melt my heart a little bit. Maybe because I don't have to do them 365 days a year. Honest to God, I had every intention of sitting down and writing this post all about the number of lego pieces I've picked up in the last 24 hours (those freaking things are ubiquitous), the amount of urine I cleaned from around the toilet last night (and by that I mean the walls, floors, sides of toilet, lightswitch, sink... you get my drift), the sheer quantitiy of laundry I have done every single day (oh my dear heavens, the laundry!!), and...

Wait. There I go again.

In the summer time, every day is a sweet reminder of the two little faces that I only see about 3 months out of the year. Every little lego that I will find for the next 6 months will be a bittersweet token of love from a boy who goes to school halfway across America.

Part time parenting is in some ways harder than full time (coming from a lady who has the privilege to do both simultaneously!). When I married my husband I knew that having his two sons in our lives would be hard. It would be hard to watch the man I love mourn their absence. I knew it would be hard for him... but it never occurred to me that it would be hard for me too. That I would love those little freckled faces like they were my own kids. That having them wake up and say to me "happy birthday!" (with no reminders whatsoever) could be the best present ever.

I was looking back on photo books the other day and I realized that I have known L for half of his life. I will be able to say the same thing for H soon. It's impossible to know what it feels like to be a parent without actually having a child. But it's even harder to imagine what it will feel like to be a step parent. Theres a lot of stigma about step parents... which makes it even harder. It's almost as though society tells you to look on step children with a sort of disdain. I thank God today that I was lucky enough to have a step parent of my own to show me the ropes. He showed me how to treat a child like your own, even when they aren't. And even when it's hard.

Never in all of my OCD years, or in my wildest clean freak moment, would I have believed that cleaning pee off a light switch would make me smile. When you know that pee came from one of two little guys who stole part of your heart, it makes it all worth it. There's just no words to describe the feeling of a bear hug from an 8 year old boy.

This much I know: it trumps the frustration of stepping on a million lego pieces.

It sucks.

Incoming TMI warning.

Okay, you've been warned.

When my oldest sister found out we lost the baby, all she could say to me "That sucks. That just sucks. It sucks so much!" and as I watched her rock her 2 month old son her eyes filled with tears. I honestly don't think there could have been any more appropriate words.

I decided to name my tiny little baby "Charlie". That way, if it was a boy it could be Charles, and if it was a girl it could be Charlotte. I really like that name, and I have a feeling the hubs wouldn't have approved.
So there it is: Charlie Huss. 5-16-13.  (Sorry, Caleb, I should have probably asked you).

I hope that isn't too morbid for anyone reading this. I feel like this loss is leading me down a path I never thought I would take. I am crying openly with relative strangers (if you know me you know how weird this is). I am taking time to read the cheesy little "Miscarriage" book that the hospital gave me; and ignoring the piles of dirty laundry. I am spending time with my daughter more than ever before... and not complaining so much when she gets clingy. I am letting myself feel and hurt and cry and keep breathing and knowing that I will survive.

Maybe it's silly to name a 9 week old fetus. But I had big hopes for Charlie. I picked out a crib already, and decided where to put it in our two and a half bedroom house. I had already budgeted in his diapers, an extra car seat, and a mini van. November 12th will be a sad day in this house. Maybe I will bake a birthday cake... maybe I will try to completely avoid it. I'm really not sure just yet.

My scientific and completely allergic-to-emotion mind has (for once) been a help, not a hindrance, to my processing. I was able to walk through the process of 'giving birth' at home, in relative comfort and privacy, and when faced with the reality that I was staring directly at a tiny a little life, I was able to not completely lose my mind. I even took a picture... and yes, I've looked at it often. I am able to rationally look at the statistics that say 1 in 4 or 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I distinctly remember sitting in embryology class and wondering "How does any of this ever happen the RIGHT way??" It is so complex... so intricate... so marvelous. And oh so fragile. And for the first time in my life I can be okay with this. I can let myself be sad and cry and beat my pillow and know that it isn't necessarily going to happen again. There isn't anything wrong with me. I didn't do anything wrong. For whatever reason, it is a part of life. It sucks. But sometimes life isn't easy, or perfect. And maybe, just maybe, that is because if it was easy or perfect I would be even more ungrateful and selfish than I am now. How many times have I thrown away a perfectly good opportunity to love up on my daughter? Now I will think twice on that... knowing that not every daughter gets to be loved up on.

One of the most painful things I have experienced (physically and emotionally) may be the tipping point on my scales. Maybe it took a really big loss to make me appreciate all I have been given. I spend so much time wallowing in self pity... and I never truly realize how blessed I am. I still remember shortly after my first surgery, when I realized that I may never be able to have children. The emptiness and sadness that filled me was indescribable. And to think, I have been able to get pregnant not once, but twice?? And I have one healthy, vibrant daughter to boot!! How incredible. And how much I take it for granted.

That being said... please know that I am not beating myself up or guilting myself to death over this. Quite the contrare. I am sick of guilt trips, especially the ones I give myself. For once, I am letting this be what it is, and letting myself be as sad as I want to be, and then picking back up and moving on. I've heard a lot of people say that they have had a miscarriage, and even been truly sorry for them. I couldn't have imagined what it would be like to lose someone that you never really had. Now I know. And I'm sure it's different for everyone; and I'm sure that there are more painful experiences out there. But, as my sister so eloquently put it when she heard the news, "It sucks. It just sucks!!"

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I feel like this is quite possibly the most random and poorly written post ever. But I'm not going to edit it. I may come back someday to re-read this, and I don't want to lose it.

Catching up on sleep

In the last 4 years, I have had so many different thoughts of what I would do after graduation. Start a new business, expand my current business, get a job somewhere else, begin 47,000 different projects, start doing continuing education...

How many of them have I done so far?

ZERO.
I have slept. A lot. And drank too much coffee (but it's decaff, so it's okay, right?). And read about 680 little books to my daughter. And played. And cuddled. And hardly given any notice to the dirt piled on the floor or the laundry that just doesn't get done unless my mother comes over.

But you know what? I'm totally cool with this.

No, I won't be blogging any impressive pictures of what fun things I've cleaned or organized lately. In fact, it may be quite a while before I blog any pictures of the inside of our house. But I don't really care.

I'm still moving forward... it just feels like instead of being on a freight train I've stepped off and begun walking. I guess I may not get to where I am going quite as fast... but who said that is important?  I'm beginning to realize that I don't really have anyone to impress. The people who matter most and whose opinion I care most about aren't concerned with whether or not I ever impress them.

That being said, it is a tough pill to swallow when you realize that the person you've wanted to impress the most your whole life will NEVER be impressed. This is something that became painfully obvious to me a few years ago. But it's a huge relief when you finally move on and realize that it just doesn't matter.  It's been a bit of a journey these last few years, coming to this realization. It's one thing to know that no matter what I do, it will never be good enough for some people. It's another thing entirely to learn to be okay with that, and then to rise above it.

Sometimes I wonder if this is the main reason I went to chiropractic school. So much of my life's journey in the last 4 years has been soul searching and learning about myself... in addition to learning everything I needed to know to graduate. I just don't think that most of this "soul searching" could have happened any other way. Maybe all my student loan debt will pay for itself in increased maturity and wisdom, if not financial gain from a lucrative career.

Which of course brings me back to the beginning and again begs the question, "What really was the point of all this, and where will it lead? Where to next?"

For right now, I guess my next step is to go upstairs and fall asleep. After that, who knows?
One step at a time, right?

Now what...?

Some days I feel like I went to bed as a 7 year old and woke up married with 3 kids, another one on the way, and lines on my face that I am far, far too young to have.

How does this happen...?

Where did my childhood go?

I'm graduating next week and everyone keeps smiling and asking me how excited I am.

How excited am I? 

Well.. it feels like my life is being turned upside down. So I guess I'm not really that excited. Scared, if anything.

I still have to take a second look when I see pictures of myself. What happened to the preschooler who made dandelion necklaces for her mother? What happened to the girl who stopped to pet every puppy on her way home from grade school? What happened to the pre-teen who ran through the woods with a "riding crop" made from a tall reed, pretending to exercise her favorite Arabian horses? What happened to the shy teenager who worked 3 jobs and went to college before finishing high school? What happened to the girl who wanted to join the navy, see the world, and get a dual-doctorate?

I know its been a journey, but sometimes it feels like all those things just faded overnight.

Read this: I am NOT unhappy with my life, no no. Far from it. 

It's just that sometimes I don't recognize the woman in the mirror. A mother and stepmother? A wife? And now... gasp.... a doctor?? How did this happen? And when?

I was not, and am not, prepared.

This graduating business should not come as a surprise. I've been working toward it for, well, my whole life. But instead of stepping gradually into a pool it feels as if I'm being thrust off the plank. Into an ocean that I've never been in, and is oh-so-unfamiliar.

Are there sharks?
Possibly.

Will I swim? Will I drown?
I don't have a clue.

I feel like God has gone through extraordinary lengths to perform a fear-ectomy on my soul, but it just won't stick. Maybe my "fear" is really only one part 'fear' and five parts stubbornness. I cling to the past and to the would-be, should-be, aren't-yet thoughts that fill my mind daily.
If I could just let go... and stop being afraid.

Sometimes letting go feels like pouring sand back into an hourglass.
Trying to return to a time that is long past.
What is this restless, unsettled feeling? And how can I be so content, yet on edge?

Walking in another man's combat boots.

For Valentines Day we had a date night after the baby went to sleep. Before we watched our free Redbox movie, I was talking with Caleb over some homemade beef wellington, asparagus, and a single red candle.

We chatted for a while about life and passions and dreams. I made the remark to him that I didn't really know what his true passions were... and I inquired about them. After some thought, he listed a few things--traveling, fishing, family... but seemed somewhat lost. I told him that I sometimes felt bad because it seemed like he hadn't found his true passion or calling.

He responded by saying something that I will probably never fully comprehend, and I'll certainly never forget. "I had a passion," he said, "But it was taken away from me". Then he asked me to imagine how I would feel if tomorrow I woke up and had no hands. I've spent my entire life learning and the last 5 years studying the art of chiropractic--which entirely requires the use of my hands. If tomorrow I woke up and had no hands... well, I've thought about it for a while now and I honestly can't even finish that sentence. I can't fathom it.

And it hit me... that's how he feels (or more accurately, felt). He had a passion, a drive, a mission. Something that he was incredibly talented at and seemed to be the most perfect thing for him. And then in one instant on a dusty road in the middle of Afghanistan, his life was forever changed.

I realized that there was so much I didn't know about the man sitting next to me, and sharing his life with me. I realized that I can never, ever, possibly comprehend all that he has been through. And all the silly arguments we have and the little flaws that I choose to focus on suddenly flooded my mind and all I could think about was What right do I have to EVER judge this man???

And somewhere along the line it occurred to me that if I feel this way about my own spouse--the man who has shared every part of my life for the past 3+ years--how on earth could I ever begin to judge someone I don't know?!? It's not right. It's not my place.

But I know I do it daily.

My prayer today is that I stop judging others, because I've never walked a day in their shoes.
May this be even more true with my husband... because God knows I've never, and couldn't have, walked in his combat boots.

Task Board/"Command Center"

As much as I love my iPhone, sometimes I just want to actually right something down. With a pen. On a calendar. On the wall.

Yes, I'm 26, and I just said this. Believe it.

They just don't make an "app" for life. (Yet). We'd been talking a lot lately and with everyone's schedules and different events, goals, and tasks to do I thought it would be so handy if we had an easy way to keep track of some of this. After a trip to Target and several conversations with my hubby, here's what we came up with. It's really just a plain old large whiteboard with a bunch of lines drawn, courtesy of a sharpie and a large ruler.

Ps. Please feel free to steal this idea. We are loving it!!

Hiatus

As you may (or may not) have noticed, I've taken a little blogging hiatus lately.

I'm not going to stop blogging, so don't celebrate just yet. ;) I've had a few big things going on lately, not the least of which was that I had the honor of being a maid of honor. It's not every day you get to stand next to a best friend and beautiful bride as she takes her vows. The wedding was beautiful, and I think I have almost completely recovered! I wonder when the bride will be able to say the same thing... She has been working non stop for the last 6 months or so.

The other thing that's been going on lately is something that I hinted at before. It's more of a little "soul search" journey that I've been on. I'm not quite ready to share all the gory details just yet... But I have learned a few things:

1. I'm not always as "right" as I think I am. In fact, FAR more often I am very wrong.

2. Relationships take lots of work. And two people. Yeah I know we've all heard this... But think about it for a second. Relationships take two people working hard to either make them strong or make them crumble. Every time you do something, it is work. So, every time I do something lately I ask myself, "am I working to build my relationship up or tear it down?"

3. I need more Jesus in my life. Holy cow. I need more of His love and His patience and His peace... Because I need extra helpings of all of that in my life right now.

4. I am struggling much more than I like to admit... To myself or anyone else.

Fake it till ya make it.

I caught myself praying last night.

No, no, that isn't a bad thing... I just really haven't in quite a while.
Well, I haven't really prayed. You know, the honest, heartfelt kind that just flows out of your mouth before you even know what you are doing.

Baby had a really rough night last night and as I held her and rocked her I just found myself pleading with God to help me and help her. I didn't have to force it or fake it or preface it with "You probably aren't listening, but..." And as I realized what I was doing, it felt good. And it felt okay. Not contrived, not full of bitterness or resentment.

It's been a while since I've prayed like that. The last few years have held some pretty significant ups and downs for me, and I had just gotten to the point where I was too emotionally raw... I didn't want to put forth the effort it was taking for me to keep up with Jesus. And I was still so very mad at Him. So I just stopped. And then I let bitterness creep back in...

But somewhere along the way I realized that I want to be a good wife, and a good mom, and a good friend. I want to be a good doctor, and a good business woman, and a good person. I don't want to be bitter and angry and full of negativity. But I wasn't quite sure how to get there. And anger isn't like a faucet... you can't just turn it off. It's more like a rushing river. You have to feel it and let it be what it is and learn to navigate it before there can be any hope of calm.

So I did. I let myself be angry.



Once that river calmed a bit I found myself floating and drifting somewhat aimlessly. I felt like I needed a shift in gears, a new perspective, and maybe even a new way of doing things. I was starting to cross that river but not sure what the other side might look like.

In the spirit of keeping myself motivated, I changed a few things around on my phone (yes I said phone, that little electronic part of my hand with its own touch screen). My life has changed so much the last few years and I knew what had worked for me in the past probably won't anymore. No longer can I simply set my Bible by the coffee pot and read in the mornings with breakfast. There's more mouths to feed and sticky little fingers that captivate my attention (and my heart) and fill up my mornings.

So; I hid my facebook app so it isn't always the first thing I click on. I got an app for the Bible, and one for daily prayers that I am falling in love with. I started doing a daily devotional with little "challenges" that I will have to write more about later. It felt pretty fake when I first started, but I know that the longer I do these things and the more routine they become, the easier and more heartfelt they will become. I hate the term "fake it till you make it", but it turns out that neurology and common sense argue for it's validity. If you do something consistently and for a period of time, even if it's hard and awkward and clumsy at first, it soon becomes routine and easy as your brain becomes 'reprogrammed'.

I realized last night that I'm starting to cross over from the sheer "fake it" to the triumphant "make it". And it felt really good.









The "Bible app" icon that I was talking about. Cute, isn't it?
Now, go find it for your own iPhone!

Baby Time!

I'm not sure if its something in the water... Or if its just my friends/family right now...
But doesn't it seem like EVERYONE is pregnant? ...And with pregnancy of course comes baby showers! I don't know about you, but I know that pre-mommyhood I never had a stinking clue what to get people for baby showers.

BUT, who doesn't LOVE shopping for baby gifts??

My mom was recently talking to me about what makes a good baby gift these days. This got me to thinking, "Hey, why not put together a list of my favorite things and the stuff that new moms really NEED."So I did.

Here's my top picks:
1. At the risk of sounding like a health nut: get her a gift of liquid vitamin D, omega 3 fatty acids, and powdered probiotics. Do a little research (or ask me for recommendations) and get a decent brand. Even good brands will only run you about $50-60 for 6 months worth of all three supplements. There are just so many health benefits and so many diseases that can be prevented by these simple, inexpensive supplements. Better yet, give these as gifts along with some educational materials to encourage her to keep giving the supplements to her little one!
2. Diapers. SCHLOADS of diapers. And then more diapers. And Desitin--that stuff is a must have. Tip: the newborn size diapers are amazing because they have a little belly button cutout and they are actually small enough for the first month or so. I soo wish we had known about them sooner!!
3. If you must get clothes, get summer sized onesies, and winter sized footie pajamas (depending on baby's estimated birthday). You can't have too many of either of these things. Yes, yes we all love cute outfits, but lets be honest... They are gonna spend 90% of their time in jammie's. Unless she is a much trendier mom than I (which wouldn't be unlikely... But I digress).
4. Camilia teething liquid. This stuff is a life saver.

5. Bibs. Extra thick bibs if you can find them. The thin cotton ones last about 12 seconds when they are teething. The plastic bibs are also a must for when they start solids.
6. Photography gift certificates. Because who wouldn't love a chance to get baby pictures and not have to worry about the cost?? One of my favorite gifts was our newborn session with Viveria Photography. (They just happen to be my cousins. I'm incredibly blessed to know them... For so many reasons!)

7. The large items!! I know it's fun to get clothes and toys... But what new moms really need is often a stroller, changing table, car seat, and crib. Check her registry if she has one, chip in on the gift with a friend (or 5), and/or check out thrift stores. These items are so desperately needed when preparing for that first baby!
8. Books!!! Encourage reading, interactive playtime, and valuable bonding by buying a few hardcover books. We've recently been finding good books at our local thrift store for 10 cents each.
Seriously.
10 cents.
You have no excuse not to add a few to your next baby gift! ;)
9. Gifts for the big brothers/sisters (especially gifts they can share with the new baby. Get them excited about being a big sibling!) and/or gifts for mom and dad. Think bubble bath soap, a gift card for a massage, restaurant gift cards, or even a grocery store gift card! Or simply bring a home cooked meal that first week home with the new baby and offer to do a load of laundry if you can spare an hour or two. It will mean so much.
10. A baby bath tub filled with shampoo, washcloths (lots if washcloths!), a rubber ducky, towels, and other bath time accessories.

If you know the mommy will be nursing, these next items are also awesome:
1. Hooter hider or some sort of nursing cover up
2. Breast gel pads made by Medela. Best. Invention. EVER!!! Takes the pain out of nursing. A little spendy, but they can be reused and are TOTALLY worth every last penny.
3. Lanolin cream. Yeah... Nuff said.
4. Nursing tank tops and bras. Yes, rather intimate... I know... But these items are insanely expensive and incredibly necessary.

If you are crafty or a seamstress, some of my favorite homemade gifts were:
1. Bibs made from old terry cloth towels. LOVE these because they are so thick and yet comfy!!
2. Knit hats and booties for winter babies. I got 2 sets of these and they were amazing--warm, cozy and oh so cute!

That's our little peanut, ready to go home from the hospital sporting her hand-knit booties!

And please don't forget:
Get a gift receipt!!!!! ALWAYS!!!! Even if they love the item you got, they may get more of the same item. And who needs 12 copies of "Goodnight Moon"? (Well maybe.... Ok, fine... Probably not.)

Check out second hand stores (if you know the momma well and she is okay with this.) We got amazing, incredible deals on everything from a stroller to high chairs to completely unused baby clothes to nursing tank tops. Soooo worth it to check around. We've probably saved thousands already and our little dear is only 11 months old.

And my own little disclaimer:
If you are reading this and you bought me a gift that did not make the list... That does NOT mean I didn't like it or didn't think it was a good idea!!! We got so so many gifts and were so incredibly blessed... It would've taken me pages and pages to list them all. The purpose of this post was simply to give some ideas for people out there that may be curious or are looking for something a little less traditional. :) Really, I don't think I got a single gift that I haven't used and loved!

I hate "working out".

As I stood on the elliptical machine yesterday watching the second hand on the clock tick I thought to myself, "I am so glad I'm doing this". But not because I enjoy it. Actually, the thought of getting in my cold car and driving to the gym, dropping off my little peanut with people I don't know for childcare, and standing around sweating with a ton of other people is almost exactly opposite of what I enjoy. Given my druthers, I'd love to sit home on the warm comfy couch and snuggle all day.
So... why do I do it then?

Delayed gratification.
I know the benefits I will get from working out will far outweigh the momentary struggle it is for me to get there.

I hate working out and getting sweaty and raising my heart rate. But, I know that my bursts of muscle contraction and heart pumping will burn fat, boost my metabolism, and, most importantly to me: release endorphins that are more effective in stabilizing my mood than any SSRI known to man.

In my first year of graduate school, we reviewed a study that showed people who exercised moderately on a regular basis were happier, lived longer, and had measurably higher levels of immunity and lower levels of stress. Um, hello, sign me up for all of that, please. (Especially with the nasty flu bugs going around this year... I'll take all the immunity I can get!)
**On a side note, this study also found that people who exercised very vigorously on a regular basis were actually significantly LESS healthy than the group who did not exercise at all. Surprising, huh? The healthiest group, by and large, were the moderate exercisers. Everything in moderation. Even exercise.

Lastly, I exercise because every woman in my family has moderate to severe arthritis by the time they are 50. This predisposition combined with my congenitally malformed shoulders has given me the early blessing of moderate arthritis already, at age 26. I was recently told I would need a replacement shoulder by age 40-45. I know that exercise and movement are some of the best ways to combat arthritis (along with diet... But that's a topic for another day). So, in addition to my little elliptical workout I swim laps at least 3 times a week. An added bonus of this is that the more I move my shoulders, the less they hurt. It's a win win.

So, there's the "why". The "how" is the hard part. Here's what I've found helpful:

1. Make it fun. I cannot stress this emphatically enough. Good lord, if you do nothing else, make it fun.
I read while I am on the elliptical. If you know how much I love reading you'll understand that this is motivation in itself. And let's be honest, I have an 11 month old... I'm not gonna read anywhere else, unless it's "Goodnight Moon" or "Chica Chica boom boom". Find ways to make it fun, whatever that means for you. iPod loaded? TV set to your favorite drama? Running outside with your pooch? Yoga with your hubby? Whatever works.

2. Make it easy. This is another must. Because let's be honest... If it isn't easy you are not gonna do it. Keep your gym bag packed in your car. Leave your yoga mat in the living room where you will trip over it. Again, whatever it takes!!

3. Let there be rewards. Whether it is the financial incentive from your insurance company to go to the gym, a new pair of running shoes after a month of daily workouts... Find whatever motivates you. At the end of my workouts, I like to jump in the sauna or hot tub and melt away for a few minutes. It's my little heaven on earth (especially in the winter!!). I also enjoy ridiculously long, hot showers after my workouts. The water never gets cold at the YMCA, and since I already pay them I don't feel bad for using a plethora of it. (Saves our home water bill, too.) This is my favorite reward. Seriously, between the thought of this little treat and a good book I can drag myself to the gym on my laziest day.

4. Just do it. Every single day. I'm not saying spend 2 hours at the gym every day... But do something. Go for a walk, roller blade, stretch, do a home workout video, swim with your kids, play tennis with the neighbor... you get the idea. Mix it up. Right now, I do yoga and Pilates on days I don't make it to the gym. In the summer, there are a lot more walks and outdoor activities! Whatever you do, just make a point to be active every day. 20 minutes a day is a good goal, but be realistic. If 5 is all you can do, start there. It's contagious... Before you know it you'll be up to 30 minutes.

5. DON'T MAKE IT ABOUT POUNDS. This is probably my favorite. I do NOT go to the gym "to lose weight". Period. I think it's unhealthy, unrealistic, and depressing to "weigh in" or work out only to lose weight. Is it a lovely by-product? Yes, sometimes it is. Does it matter? In my opinion, no. Work out to be healthy, and to take care of the one and only body God gave you. The same should go for eating, sleeping, and almost anything else you do. Does it glorify God to see you frustrated with that twenty pounds you wanted to lose? Or, when you exercise and eat healthy to care for His precious gift: your body? In the end, the results will be the same without the mind-numbing, self-loathing, guilt-fest on the way there. Some of the sickest people I have known were the thinnest, and some of the healthiest people I know are medically "overweight". Avoid scales. Trust your body. Being healthy IS NOT a number on a scale, it's a lifestyle.

Happy new year!

Tomorrow, in the spirit of the new year and resolutions, I promise a post about exercise that you won't want to miss. Sorry I've been slacking a little on the blog posts. My brain has just been elsewhere.

Today, I bring a few more random organization ideas for you. Because today I'm feeling random.

1. Our closet is teeny tiny. And I have a lot of clothes that I prefer to be hung up. Also, I just plain have a lot of clothes... but I digress. A quick trip to Menards and about $7 later, we added a second hanging bar below the original one. (And by "we" I mean "Caleb"). :) Now I have room to hang more clothes! The shelf on the top was also done by yours truly (Caleb again) and makes a nice place to set hats.

(Yes, my clothes are organized by color and sleeve length. Don't look at me funny.)

2. Living proof that organization does not have to be expensive or fancy. Our linen closet is full of random baskets that hold different things. The baskets don't match, but they are neatly organized and the contents are labeled.

 

3. This one I've gotten a few oohs and aahhs from... but I stole it from someone, so I can't take full credit (I think it may have actually been my brother, who shares the OCD gene).  All those little discount cards and store perks cards clog up my wallet and it drives me nuts. So, I decided they needed to live outside the wallet in an easy to access ring binder of their own. Simply punch holes in the cards and find an old key ring! (Free, and easy! My kinda project.)

4. Lastly, time for a kitchen make over. Again, on a roll with the idea of "hanging things up" (see previous post). I covered an old Cheerios box in shelf paper and attached it to a lower cabinet for boxes of Saran wrap, tin foil, etc. Hindsight being 20/20, I'd use something sturdier than a Cheerios box or at least reinforce it. But, the size of it was perfect.

And then since I was on a roll, I got some of those little Command hooks and hung them inside of 3 of our upper cabinet doors. So cheap, simple and easy... and it blows my mind how much clutter it cleared out of our drawers. Amazing.

(Sorry the picture is fuzzy... I'll try to update later.)