Please, people, please people.

For most of my life I have been the kind of person that will bend over backwards and then again in half to try to make someone even the slightest little bit happy. This can be a good trait, but unfortunately it has caused me quite a bit of heartache too. I remember in third grade I had a teacher who was rather stern and unfriendly. I was not great at math, but I worked really hard to finish my worksheet extra fast and rushed to turn it in, thinking about how pleased she would be.
She took one look at it and grabbed her red pen and began furiously scribbling. As I took the paper back to my desk to work out all of the mistakes, I remember biting my lip really hard to fight back tears.

All I've ever wanted, for as long as I can remember, is to please people.

Imagine for a moment all the trouble a person could get into if they tried entirely TOO hard to please people. Or, heaven forbid, tried hard to please the wrong people.

Yup. That was me, too.
 
So, for the past three years or so I've been trying really hard to better my skills with setting boundaries, saying "no", and actually standing up for what I believe in. It's really hard, and when it's not something that comes naturally to you it's that much harder. I've realized, though, that for my own mental health, and the sake of my marriage, and if nothing else, the example I want to set for my children; I MUST learn to do this.

But I'm realizing that it's not so black and white. It is a fine line, for sure.

It's getting easier to say "No" when someone is trying to rip me off or outright hurt me.
It's hard to say when I am invited to do something I enjoy, but deep down I know that I don't have the extra time to pull away from my family.

It's easy to set boundaries for baby. She isn't allowed on the stairs without supervision. Period. That's what baby gates are for.

It's harder for me to stand up to my friends or family when something threatens to jeopardize my relationship with my husband. I love my family. But I love my husband. And sometimes we don't all agree. Hence, boundaries need to be set. And sometimes its really hard.

I'm glad I have a supportive and (usually) patient husband. He has been my source of strength when I want to just crumple up and give in. He is also the most courageous person I have ever met, with a huge heart for his family. He knows how to set priorities and boundaries like nobodies business. Sometimes he's almost too good at it... but I have learned a lot from him.

There comes a point when you just have to do what is best for yourself and your family. At the end of the day, if you don't take care of yourself you won't be able to take care of anyone else. It's hard. For sure. We've had a lot of practice this year.

Too much, actually. 

In fact, I would absolutely love to be done setting any boundaries for a long time.

Unfortunately, I don't think it works that way...

The secret to organization is...

Well, if there is a secret, I don't know it. But I do know this: it does not take a rocket surgeon or one million dollars to have an organized home. Using what you already have and learning to use space efficiently can go a LOOOONG ways. For example; hanging things up makes a WORLD of difference.

"Dang me, dang me, they oughta take a rope and hang me..." Don't you just love Roger Miller? Sorry. I digress...
But seriously. Just hang everything.

Hang necklaces and bracelets on little cup hooks in the bathroom.

Hang the hairdryer (and if you actually use them, those things called curling irons) also in the bathroom.

Hang a shoe rack for hats, mittens, and winter gear in easy reach.

Hang measuring cups in plain sight.

Hang cleaning supplies.

 And more cleaning supplies.

 Hang the ironing board and iron. (Inside a closet?? But of course!)

Hang your earrings. I have no DIY pictures for this one... but it is a $2 picture frame with the glass removed and a piece of burlap stapled to it (hot glue would also work). Nothing too crazy.

And of course... don't let your dirty laundry out to dry. Just hang it!!

Too cheesy? Okay. I'm done now.

I'm not so much an "organizer" as I am OCD and thrifty....

In honor of my family being violently ill for the past two days (yes, that's right, baby's first Christmas was quite memorable), I will not be thinking any deep thoughts today. 

Today's post will be full of pictures and random ideas. Enjoy!

Fun Christmas present for grandmas, friends, etc: 

Supplies: piece of scrapbook paper (you choose!), ink pad, newspaper (I HIGHLY recommend taping it to your table, if you care about the table), picture frame, pencil, ruler, scissors

How to: outline the size of your picture frame opening (I used an 8x10) and the size of your cut-out NOTE: measure it slightly smaller than the picture ie. if you have a 5x7 picture, measure the opening to about 4 3/4 by 6 3/4, use your ink pad and a very small person to create cute little hand/foot prints, trim out the inside border (I recommend using a paper cutting tool if you have one). Insert cute picture. Voila!

Magnet Board:
Kaitlyn got a set of horsey magnets for Christmas and I thought it would be fun if she could take them into her room. She LOVES the refrigerator magnets downstairs so it seemed like a good idea. I also had this random piece of sheet metal I had purchased for a different reason, and I always seem to have fabric scraps laying around. Sooo.....
My metal already had holes drilled in the corners from it's previous life (that would be step one).
I hotglued a folded up piece of fabric to the corners to create a little buffer. If I was more handy I would have just rounded the corners, but I had no idea how to do this and I am too impatient to ask for help.
I cut out strips of fabric 3" wide and marked them off at 1" (using a regular pen) then hot glued the first 1" to the backside of my sheet metal.
Then I folded the 2" piece in half and hot glued it to the right side (so it was double layered and the edge looked neat).
I just left the corners un-glued so I could screw this into her wall and then I folded the edges of the fabric over the screws. I suppose you could then hot glue the edges down... but I didn't. Of all the things she gets into, I'm not too worried about her unscrewing this from the wall. Yet.
Plus, I may want to remove it some day.

So, there you have it. This was literally free and took less than 2 hours. I'm so excited to show it to her!



Organizing Baby Clothes:
I've got a ton of friends who are pregnant right now, and someone asked a while ago, "What is a good way to organize baby's clothes?" Our set up is a bit unconventional (because her clothes are not in her room) but here are some tips I've found helpful in the past 11 months.

1. Go through all clothes before baby is born and organize by size. Trust me... DO NOT go by labels only, they can be very misleading!! Hold them up to each other to guesstimate sizes (length is more important than girth). Put different sizes into boxes/bins that are easily accessible and labeled well.

2.  Stand things up sideways!! This way you can actually see everything and nothing floats to the back of the drawer unnoticed. Trust me, in the first year, you are bound to miss some cute outfits because they grow SO STINKING FAST. You'll be all like, "Oh this won't fit for a while, it is HUGE!" And by the time you see it again you won't even be able to get it over their little head. Let alone button it.

3. If you are anally retentive like me, you can put the clean clothes to the back of the drawer as they are worn... that way the clothes that haven't been worn in a while will automatically float to the front. Also, organizing by sleeve length never hurts... but I'm special. I know this.

We have one drawer for socks, bibs, shoes, and misc. One for onesies and pants (with a few overalls used as a divider). And one drawer for pajamas, sweaters, and vests. The diapers live by themselves, and the only other thing we really need handy is Desitin (which sits on top of the changing table). Easy peasy.

 

 This post is getting long. To be continued...

Spare time. :)

Been a little busy with the crafting and organizing lately, since I've been able to stay at home the last week or so. I'm loving spending sweet time with the hubby and baby... but also, if you know me, you know I LOVE me some crafting and organizing.

First, I finally finished covering the coffee table to make it a little more cozy. It's fun to have something we can rest our feet on now that doesn't leave little marks in the backs of our ankles after 3 minutes. :)

Then I finished touching up the paint in the bedroom. We painted before we moved in, but all the white pin-striping needed a touch up! It was pretty tedious, but I love our bedroom. I also added a quote from our wedding. It was a cheap way to add a personal touch to the walls, and so easy to paint over if we decide we don't like it some day!

Lastly, and I actually enjoyed this WAY more than I will ever admit.... I finally got my filing cabinet under control. How, you ask? Well, I'll tell you:
1. Filed the 2 foot high stack of papers as best as I could. Realized that I had a ton of old junk in there and a few duplicate folders.
2. Pulled EVERYTHING out of the cabinet and put it into stacks of similar folders. ie. "Financial", "medical", etc.
3. Got rid of a ton of old papers and the duplicate folders.
4. Relabeled folders as needed and prioritized them within their categories.
5. Labeled and alphabetized the categories. (I used red paper for the main categories so it would stand out a little)
6. Put everything back into the cabinet!

Wala. (Or however you spell that in French).

Tomorrow I may try to post a blog on a few of our recent crafts... if I'm feeling ambitious.

Right now I'm going to try to sleep. Just spent about 2 hours cleaning up after a very sick little girl. All I will say is that her stomach holds SIGNIFICANTLY more than I would have ever imagined. Never have I been so happy for a washing machine and a hot shower.
Goodnight all.

Christmas Crafting!

On a much lighter, happier note:

I have a short break between now and my final internship.... So you know what this means???

CRAFTING!

And of course, ORGANIZING!!

Yup, I'm a nerd. I know. :)

I have a few crafts that will have to wait till after Christmas to be revealed (ahem). But one of them I will post for fun today, and maybe a few more tomorrow!

I stole this little idea off a pin from Pinterest (with a few of my own touches). Pretty cute, huh?
I like it.

Borrowed prayer.

I am borrowing a prayer from a blogger that I really enjoy... She is one of the only bloggers I follow, and I think you'll see why;

"Today, we remember that twenty parents in Newtown, Connecticut will not send their child to school today.

Or this week.

Or ever again.

No more birthday parties. No more tickle fights. No more soccer games or dance recitals or art classes. There will be no high school graduation. No walking down the aisle. No celebrating dreams fulfilled, marriages, grandchildren.

For these ones, today, we pray:

-- Charlotte Bacon, Female, 02-22-06
-- Daniel Barden, Male, 09-25-05
-- Rachel Davino, Female, 07-17-83
-- Olivia Engel, Female, 07-18-06
-- Josephine Gay, Female, 12-11-05
-- Ana Marquez-Greene, Female, 04-04-06
-- Dylan Hockley, Male, 03-08-06
-- Dawn Hockstrung, Female, 06-28-65 (School Principal )
-- Madeleine F. Hsu, Female, 07-10-06
-- Catherine V. Hubbard, Female, 06-08-06
-- Chase Kowalski, Male, 10-31-05
-- Jesse Lewis, Male, 06-30-06
-- James Mattioli, Male, 03-22-06
-- Grace McDonnell, Female, 11-04-05
-- Anne Marie Murphy, Female, 07-25-60
-- Emilie Parker, Female, 05-12-06
-- Jack Pinto, Male, 05-06-06
-- Mary Sherlach, Female, 02-11-56 ( School Psychologist )
--Victoria Soto, Female, 11-04-85
-- Benjamin Wheeler, Male, 09-12-06
-- Allison N. Wyatt, Female, 07-03-06
-- Noah Pozner, Male, 11-20-06
-- Caroline Previdi, Female, 09-07-06
-- Jessica Rekos, Female, 05-10-06
-- Avielle Richman, Female, 10-17-06
-- Lauren Russeau, Female, 06-?-82
-- Noah Pozner, Male, 11-20-06

These families, this community, God, we lift to your throne. When hope seems lost, we cling to You, for them, for their children. We ask for your strong arms to steady these precious families. For your spirit to minister peace in a time of destruction. For believers to come and be light in darkness. To be love. Grace. Peace. Hope. Your hands. Your feet. Your truth.
We long for the day You promised, the day when You "will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more deathor mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." [Revelation 21:4]
And until that day, Lord, we ask for a little bit of Heaven on earth. For Your touch among the mourning and the brokenhearted. Jesus, even though we don't understand, we love you. We wait for You.
Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

[1 Timothy 1:17]"

Couldn't have said it better myself.
Check her out: http://www.mercyinkblog.com

Heavy hearts today.

Every day should be treated like it may be the last.
Every goodbye should end with a sincere "I love you".
Every fight should be quelched. Every tear should be wiped.
Every moment should be treasured.
Every time you get a chance to
complain, chose not to. What if that moment were your last?
There will, forever and always, be evil in this world. Turn from it.
There will be moments to rejoice, embrace them.
Sometimes it takes something truly unspeakable and awful to remind us how blessed we are.


I implore you not to use this act as a soapbox for your cause. There are LIVES that were stolen today.

Children.

Teachers.

Remember this before you spout off about gun control or police enforcement... Evil is in this world and no amount of 'control' or 'enforcement' will save you. The only impenetrable peace I know of is found within a knowledge of God.

I don't know about you, but I intend to spend the evening snuggling the ones I love. It saddens me that it takes a day like today to remind me that my loads of dirty laundry and piles of unpaid bills MUST take a back seat to my precious family and time spent with them.

Prayers for you today, CT. My heart grieves for you.

Pushing back.

In my head I just let out a string of 4 letter words that would make a sailor blush. And they were all about myself.

Do you ever do this?
I haven't done it in a while, to be honest... But it used to be so ingrained in me. It took a long time and a LOT of therapy to change this... But I feel it creeping back in. That negative self talk... The loathing... The doubt... The anxiety.

Sigh.

I would love to have the strength to fight it all off right now. But I keep remembering and reliving all my little parenting fails today. I feel like I'm starting to go down that road again... The dark scary road that's so hard to climb up out of. I don't want to go there. I can't. My family needs me.

I personally feel that the whole "God won't give you more than you can handle" saying is a load of bull-honky. God DOES give us more than we can handle... On a regular basis. I've heard it said that He does this so that we will fall into his open arms and seek Him for help. I just don't know if I'm there yet... I don't know if I'm ready to trust Him to take care of anything for me.

But I think for the sake of my marriage and my sanity I need to be. I need to quit being such a Do-It-Myself-er. Some things I just can't do myself, and sometimes there is just too much on my plate to try to do it all. Maybe it's time to re-prioritize and let go of a few things on my to do list. And maybe, just maybe, it's time to start trusting God again.

Pleasant-blogger-ville

Sometimes I wonder if all bloggers are mothers who have impecably clean children with perfect manners, flawless husbands, spotless/organized homes, the best crafts and DIY projects, and gourmet meals every night (you know, like a 20th century Pleasantville). Have you ever wondered this when you see someone's blog??
Well if you have, I'm here to say that I will blow this stereotype out of the water tonight!!

I was so proud of myself for keeping my cool this afternoon. It's quite enough to be called, "Hey you, INTERN" on a regular basis. I've spent a quarter of a million dollars (don't even get me started on that one) to be belittled like I've never been before for the last few months.  And it's really hard to follow 'protocols' that are enforced 37% of the time at best. But I digress. What put me over the edge was having to listen to almost 6 hours of non stop bickering about everything and everyone. I refuse to jump on the "Men are so stupid. I hate men!" bandwagon. It just does not serve anyone any good! We all have flaws. News flash: I actually like my husband, and I think he's pretty awesome. Hence, I married him. What's more, I'm pretty sure that if you treat people with respect and build them UP when they succeed they will learn faster and be happier (thus making you more successful). It's kind of a win-win... and a no-brainer, I always thought. I guess not everyone shares my sentiment. Apparently it's much more fun to rip on everyone and then speak ill behind their backs.

Lastly, I'm sure Saint Paul had their hands full tonight... but really??? HOW HARD IS IT TO CALL A PLOW TRUCK?? Good grief. The roads were by far the worst I'd ever seen. And that was at 5pm, so it had been around 8 hours since it had stopped snowing. I absolutely would not have made it home in our Honda; thank goodness for the jeep and 4 wheel drive! At one point I heard the radio announcer talking about a TWO MILE stretch of road that was taking an estimated ONE HOUR to get through. And that was just highlighting the worst bit of it.

Sitting upstairs on my computer by myself is just the perfect end to an already crummy day. Baby was asleep by the time I got home (so I didn't get to see her at all today) and the hubby is mad that I got home so late. *Sigh*. I'm half tempted to jump back in the jeep... wait, no I'm not. I think I'll find a good book and turn on the electric blanket and snuggle in for the night. Forget the 4 laundry baskets of clothes that will most likely never get put away... and the dinner that is sitting on the stove untouched... and the dirty dishes all over... and the movies I haven't returned yet... (I'm just gonna stop here).

Yours truly,
from here in 'Not-So-Pleasant-Pleasantville'.

Today is kind of a big day.

Some years ago today God sent an angel to this earth

He chose to bless so many with this babies birth

A little girl that would grow up to be a beautiful woman

Whose kindness could be surpassed by no man

Hard times, she would see them, but from them she'd grow

And lay the foundation 

For faith to last generations

Her heart would pour love out 

More than it could hold

Knowing just when to hug you

And just when to scold

Her strong hands would repair

A dandelion necklace

A raspberry garden

And a dress made of lace

Her eyes would shine

With love for her Jesus 

Her children

Her husband

She'd be an inspiration to many

A lifesaver to some

A mother to few

And a grandmother, too!

God sent me this angel; not any other

Without her, I would not even be here today

And without her love this world would not be the same.

Who's this lady you ask? Well, of course, it's my mother.

Happy birthday sweet momma.

Tree time!

We got our very first tree last night. Even though hubby wants nothing to do with Christmas, he helped pick out the tree and brought it inside AND even set it up for me, without a single complaint. That's love right there.

Baby is terrified of the tree. She kept staring at it last night like, "What are you guys thinking???" and this morning when I set her down next to it she started whimpering and then clambered up my leg. Silly little thing.

The stockings are 1/3 finished on the bedroom floor. Getting there!

Today's Friday Fun fact: Martin Luther is credited with first adding lights to the early Christmas trees. Legend has it he was walking home one night and was in awe of the brilliance of the stars in the sky. He wanted to re-create this 'scene' for his family, so he added lights to an evergreen tree. The evergreens had already entered the home at this point in history. They were touted by ancient Egyptians as symbols of life triumphing over death--and originally used to celebrate the pagan solstice.

I think life triumphing over death is worth celebrating... be it ancient Egypt or the birth of our savior. And I'm all about recreating natures brilliance. So really, what's not to love?

Except clambering, whimpering babies, I guess. ;)

Chiropractic :)

Yes, that's my baby. :)
Saw this quote and loved it, just had to share.

Merry Christmas, dear robbers:

To the men and/or women who came into my back yard and pilfered my car last night at 2am:

Merry Christmas! I must have accidentally left the doors unlocked just for you--so you wouldn't have to smash any windows. And thank you for avoiding that. The cost to replace a window would've far outweighed the value of anything you might have stolen. Speaking of which, thanks for the little "heads up" that you are not at all intelligent. It's good to know that the $70 baby bjorn, $100 boots and and $170 car seat are still there... But you chose to take a hair brush and a bottle of lotion.
Also, now we know that you aren't homeless, because you left several pairs of warm mittens and a hat.
Didn't you see the container of Cheerios and half eaten bag of roasted almonds I left you? Must not have. Guess you weren't that hungry.
Not sure what you were looking for, but if spreading Christmas cheer was your goal, you may want to rethink your strategy.
The only thing you did was prove to us that you are probably very young and certainly very foolish. So thanks!
I feel sorry for you if your greatest thrill in life is taking from others. Maybe try volunteering, it's an adrenaline rush. ;)

Oh yeah, I almost forgot!
My husband carries a gun and is a night owl... So you may want to choose your next victims a little more carefully!

Merry Christmas!

I'm letting go, not giving up. :)

I should probably clarify a few things I said yesterday...

1. I am not now (or ever!) giving up on God. I actually feel like for the first time in a few years I can look Him in the face, so to speak. It's hard to have a relationship with someone when you are angry but not speaking about it. At least now we are speaking about it. It's a good start I think. And far better than trying to pretend I'm not angry yet still have a relationship.

2. I have spent so much of my life so emotionally constipated that it actually felt really good to be able to say, "I am angry!" and not follow it with generous helpings of guilt or shame or fear. And who better to be angry at than God? No, I'm not being sarcastic. I think that if anyone would understand it would probably be Him.

3. I know I said I am still very hurt and sad, but somehow just writing it down was a little bit 'cleansing' if you will. I'm not un-angry yet, but feeling much more at peace with things today.

4. As if to really rub it in my face that everything happens for a reason; God gave me an opportunity today to have a really good, long conversation with a good friend about relationships. Her marriage is struggling and she's at the end of her rope. I got a text from her tonight that said our conversation today helped her more than the 4 months of counseling she's been going through. Wow! That was humbling.
Perhaps I should have told her that it was because I've been through about 10 years of counseling myself and a bunch with my hubby... I feel like I could almost write the stuff by now. ;) But maybe that's the point? I guess if I hadn't been through some deep water myself I wouldn't be able to help anyone else swim.

And yet part of me still wonders... if I see a person with a broken leg who is hurting, do I break someone else's leg so that they can be a sympathetic ear? It just doesn't quite add up yet.

To be continued... I am sure.




Ps. I should mention that I am in fact giving up on one thing:

I seriously don't even know what to say about this. And no, it doesn't taste any better than it looks.

It's time to let go.

I just got the opportunity to snuggle my baby for a few minutes. She woke up and needed to eat before falling back asleep. Sometimes this bothers me at 2am, but not today. I had been sleeping for quite a while already, and it was a good excuse for some much needed journaling and reflection. Plus, she was actually pretty snuggly for once. :)

I found out yesterday that my little shoulder "issue" is actually significantly worse than I imagined, and that my options for repair are fairly limited*. I've been working with horses almost my entire life and I love it, and have always hoped to continue--at least on some level. Not to mention I've invested hundreds of thousands of dollars and almost 10 years of my life into schooling for a career that demands the use of arms and shoulders. Imagine my disappointment upon discovering that the pain and instability issues I am having now are not easily fixed and will likely get worse. I don't think the reality of this situation quite sunk in right away... or at least I tried to pretend it didn't.

I was almost physically ill today when I woke up, and very crabby. I snapped at baby this morning, which is completely uncalled for. When I got home from work I went straight to sleep after putting her to bed (by 7:30)... Caleb must have known I wasn't doing so hot today; he had friends over tonight and not only did he cook and clean up after like 9 people but he picked up groceries and diapers for me today (and I hadn't even realize we needed any. Sheesh. I'm really quite certain I have the best husband on the planet earth).

As I sit here wide awake now at 3am I've been reflecting a little and realizing how much bitterness I've been carrying. I think that is actually what was starting to make me sick. For the past year or two I've been skipping church way more often than I go. My prayer life had been almost non-existent and I just didn't care. I've been mad at God at a few different times in my life... But after struggling so much with health issues and emotional crap the first two years of chiropractic school, and then meeting Caleb and hearing about all of the horrible things he had gone through... I was so so angry at God. Like seething, red hot angry. The kind I don't know if I'd ever even felt before. I wanted nothing to do with a God that would allow so much hurt. I stopped journaling for a while. Kind of stopped caring in general. I'd bristly anytime anyone mentioned how loving our God was. "If they only knew..." was the only thing I could think of. I'd see patients in clinic on a regular basis who have almost literally been through hell, and I'd think to myself, "How is it possible that this life here is created by a loving God?"  The woman who wanted to be a ballerina, but her stepfather broke both of her ankles and then tied her to a bed post for weeks, at age 10. The man who dedicated his life to becoming a dentist, only to discover that he had absolutely debilitating neck pain every time he bent over to work on a patient's mouth. I like to think I am a fairly positive person... but the last few years have been emotionally overwhelming. I have felt like a raw nerve 98% of the time. Some days I just don't think I can bear to hear one more persons story, and all the pain they've experienced. If it hadn't been for Caleb and the support of my mom and family, I really honestly don't think I would have made it through school.

I know I'm speaking in past tense, as if this is all resolved and I am madly in love with God again. It's not, though... I'm still so angry. And overwhelmingly sad. I have to bite my lip to keep from tearing up as I write this. I just cannot understand. How could a loving God allow these things? How can there be so much insurmountable pain on this earth... when he doesn't seem to even notice. I've heard all the cliche answers, and I hate all of them. None actually make sense to me.
"God doesn't cause pain or suffering... that is all from the devil." (Bull honky. Either he is all powerful or he isn't).
"God sees all your pain" (How is that helpful...? I see squirrels get run over. Doesn't mean I am launching a "Save the Squirrels' campaign.)

It probably seems silly... but it was really quite a revelation for me to be able to put a finger on the fact that I am this angry at God. I can't say I didn't realize it until today... it's just hard for me to put things into words sometimes. I just finally stated putting it together; after the news about my shoulder yesterday, and then thinking about all that's happened lately.

It hit me: I have been holding on to so much bitterness... for so long. Unless I want to continue living like this, I have got to find a way to start letting it go.
                                             But I do not know yet what that will look like.

I figure that letting go of bitterness, like anything else, is only going to come one little baby step at a time. And thankfully I have a little pint-sized daily reminder of what baby steps look like right now... Not to mention the most amazingly supportive husband (and family) a girl could ask for.

Well... at least when they aren't otherwise occupied with mouths full of watermelon. ;)





*For those of you interested in the medical speak:
A long time ago I was diagnosed with bilateral shoulder instability. They've always been a little off, but lately my left shoulder has gotten much worse. So they did an MRI. It showed evidence of multiple posterior dislocations, posterior labral and capsular tearing, some deformities of both the humeral head and glenoid fossa, and that my humeral head is structurally about 2 cm out of place at rest. The options are limited, as apparently any attempts to "fix" the instability issues are not likely to be successful. Major reconstruction surgery might be an option (bone grafting from the ilium to stabilize the joint) but also with uncertain success rates. I have a CT scan scheduled this week to better view the arthritis/bony changes within the shoulder.
This on top of a T10 compression fracture that causes scoliosis and moderate Scheurmann's disease of the thoracic spine. Sigh.

"Maybe if you tell me the bad news, in a good way, it won't seem so bad!!"

Today's blog features good news and bad news. In true "Robin Hood; Men In Tights" fashion, I'll try to tell the bad news in a good way...

The good news:
I finished the tree skirt today. My very first pinterest copy was a success. It was pretty tedious, but for the price tag on things like this I'd say it was worth it. There's a few things I would change, but I love it. Plus, all of the fabric was free from my moms closet. We even used the old curtains that my mom made for my room when I was a little girl. How fun is that?? Can't wait to put it around our tree!

My next project will be stockings. They may take a little longer... but at least they are all cut out:

Now for the bad news:
When Caleb and I first started dating I tried to make a loaf of cornbread without a recipe. There are some things you can do without a recipe... chocolate chip cookies, for example. A little flour, a little sugar, a little butter, you know. It turns out that cornbread is not one of those things. After what seemed like FOREVER in the oven we decided that it was just not going to finish baking. Then, after it cooled, it turned into what shall henceforth be known as "the building material". I managed to eat a few pieces of it (mostly because I am stubborn) but I'm pretty sure bit of that bread are still in my large intestine somewhere.
A few weeks later, I decided to redeem myself. I had one of those "just add an egg and water" mixes for cornbread. "Even I cant mess this up" I thought to myself. It was a 'blue corn' bread that looked yummy. It finished baking and I pulled the beautiful, puffy, soft, loaf out of the oven triumphantly. I put the cover on the pan and set it on the counter. The next day, when Caleb went to grab a slice, he bursted out laughing. I prayed he was laughing because of how beautiful it was... but alas. There on top of my perfect blue cornbread was little white flecks of mold. Apparently I had closed the lid too soon and the moisture ruined my bread. Foiled again.

For whatever reason from that day forth any time my dear sweet loving husband wants to tease me he just pulls out the cornbread jokes. We cannot even eat chili without hearing jokes--because of it's well known affiliation with cornbread.

Today he asked me to make a loaf of PLAIN, gluteny white bread. I've been experimenting too much with gluten free and fruity breads, apparently. So I found the most simple recipe I could in our bread book. Flour, eggs, water, yeast, sugar, salt. What could possibly go wrong??

I really should've taken a picture earlier, too, when it was still in the bread machine. The sides and top had exploded and touched the ceiling. And that was after it went through the "runny as snot" stage while kneading. *sigh* It is remotely edible; albeit dense, flavorless and a few steps past 'crispy' on the outside.

I've succomed to the fact that I will never, EVER, live this down. Ever.

We decided that if we ever muster up the gumption to add on to our house, I will just begin baking bread (without recipes, of course) and we will save up our bread loaves, AKA building materials, until we have enough to put on a new wing.

CHRISTmas? Or not...

I've recently been inspired by this video.

And also, my husband. Who is the most amazing guy I know... and is (as I lovingly refer to him) somewhat of a scrooge around Christmas. He rolls his eyes at me every time I mention Christmas tree hunting or turn the radio to the 'all Christmas' station. Upon deeper probing though, I found out why. He confessed to me that he finds himself prone to selfishness and the idea of getting a ton of presents is a little like giving a lottery ticket to a gambling addict. Not helpful. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense, and the more I realized that I fall victim to that trap too... More often than I'd like to admit.

We also spend a lot of time talking about how we want our children to be raised; and the words 'selfish brat' are not really topping the list. We want our children to be grateful, appreciative, and thankful for the blessings they have. And of course, we want to remember Christmas for what it is; a celebration of the birth of our Saviour. Not a panic inducing gimmie-fest.

So how are we doing this? Good question. Like most things in life; it's a work in progress. This year so far we are making a point to:
* Volunteer our time during the holiday season (we chose Habitat for Humanity and Safe House)
* Respectfully request that our family not give us any gifts this year; and limit the gifts they give to our children (we know they love buying presents for the kids--but one gift is plenty).
* Spend more on charitable giving and less on meaningless gifts (we love Heifer International!)
* Spend less (or nothing) on decorations, Christmas gifts, etc.
Example: I recently raided my mom's fabric closet for material to make a tree skirt and stockings--it is our first year together in a new house, after all! I'm also planning to make goodies and home made presents for some friends and family that cost little to nothing but hold deeper meaning.
* Keeping traditions alive, and creating new ones. My mom and her family (my aunts, uncles, etc) always make a gingerbread house around Christmas time. The gingerbread is home made, and we spend hours picking out the candies, laying the foundation, and decorating and designing. There have been a few architectural masterpieces over the years, if I do say so myself. And it was always a fun way to connect and spend time together... isn't that what the holidays are for?

(Yup the one on the right is me. Cheesy grin and all.)


Just for fun, and to drive home a point, think of this: What was your favorite Christmas gift? Do you still have it? Where is it?

Can't remember?
 
How about this: Name one family tradition or experience that you remember around the holidays?

Bet that was easier. And I bet your smiling now.
See my point?


So, what say you? What traditions do you have with your family? How do you keep CHRISTmas alive without falling victim to the consumerism trap? Let's share some ideas!

Scrubbing what??

Please scrub your souls at the door!

I decided I wanted to start a blog. Why? Too much spare time.

Just kidding!

I don't think I want to blog as much as I need to blog. Well, what I really mean is that I need to journal. And, since I like to journal as though I'm talking to someone; I thought, why not blog?? Then someone might actually read it. Plus, I heard from from some of you that the book I published was actually fun to read... So I thought, hey, maybe if I journal in a public place (I hear they call this "blogging" nowadays) people would actually read it... And like it. Who knows, maybe someday I'll publish all of my old journals from my teen years, too!!

No? Too far? Ok. Fair enough.

The truth is, When I was about 12 I started journaling, and I loved it. I had a few bumps and bruises in my childhood (who doesn't?) and it really helped me mentally and emotionally. And I realized I loved writing. It clears my head and recharges me.

So... what will I be blogging about? I don't know. But I'll make you a promise: it's gonna be real. It's gonna make u think. And it's gonna help scrub your soul a little. In a nice way, like baking-soda-and-a-tooth-brush scrub not green-scratcher-and-bleach scrub. Because truth be told I need some soul scrubbing myself right now... I find myself at the corner of "impatient" and "cranky" more often than I care to admit lately and I'm putting up a stop sign there. (Like that pun?) ;)  The kind of soul scrubbing I plan to do here is the kind that forces me to reevaluate my life and priorities. Not the kind that makes me curl up and cry. The good kind. The "Ahhh, now doesn't that feel good?" kind. Because I am all about grace.

I'd love to have you join and share this blog, or listen to me twit, or look at my my-face page... or whatever they call it now. Here's a few things you'll need to know about me, though;

I LOVE ellipses... Really love them.

I'm old fashioned and a little bit country. In a ribbons and lace, God-fearing, blue jeans and boots, drop it in 4low, make my own socks kinda way.

I think I'm absolutely hilarious. My husband begs to differ (he actually begs sometimes... "Please stop telling jokes, you're not funny"). Consider this your disclaimer.

I am a mom. AKA: there will be little kid pictures. Lots of them.
See? Here's one now:

My little sippy cup queen. Cutest. Thing. Ever. But I digress...

I am not perfect. Shocker, I know. If your looking for another "50 ways to iron your bed sheets and t shirts" type of blog I'm not your girl. I'm gonna fall on my face. A lot. I pick fights with my husband and ignore my daughter and i struggle with insecurity bigtime. Ill probably post a recipe for broccoli kale quinoa followed by double fudge brownies. You can laugh at me or lend me a hand; I'm really perfectly fine with either. Laughter is good for you.

I'm a little bit of an organization nazi... Ok fine, borderline OCD. And I usually find the most inefficient way to do something. This=projects that take twice as long as they should. (I like to think I make up for it a little with a good work ethic. Thank my mom for that one.)

Last but not least-I like typing. Can u tell??

So welcome, come in, sit down, grab some coffee and a gluten free brownie. We've got some icky sticky work to do but it will be fun and oh so worth it.