Do you ever do this?
I haven't done it in a while, to be honest... But it used to be so ingrained in me. It took a long time and a LOT of therapy to change this... But I feel it creeping back in. That negative self talk... The loathing... The doubt... The anxiety.
Sigh.
I would love to have the strength to fight it all off right now. But I keep remembering and reliving all my little parenting fails today. I feel like I'm starting to go down that road again... The dark scary road that's so hard to climb up out of. I don't want to go there. I can't. My family needs me.
I personally feel that the whole "God won't give you more than you can handle" saying is a load of bull-honky. God DOES give us more than we can handle... On a regular basis. I've heard it said that He does this so that we will fall into his open arms and seek Him for help. I just don't know if I'm there yet... I don't know if I'm ready to trust Him to take care of anything for me.
But I think for the sake of my marriage and my sanity I need to be. I need to quit being such a Do-It-Myself-er. Some things I just can't do myself, and sometimes there is just too much on my plate to try to do it all. Maybe it's time to re-prioritize and let go of a few things on my to do list. And maybe, just maybe, it's time to start trusting God again.
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