1. I am not now (or ever!) giving up on God. I actually feel like for the first time in a few years I can look Him in the face, so to speak. It's hard to have a relationship with someone when you are angry but not speaking about it. At least now we are speaking about it. It's a good start I think. And far better than trying to pretend I'm not angry yet still have a relationship.
2. I have spent so much of my life so emotionally constipated that it actually felt really good to be able to say, "I am angry!" and not follow it with generous helpings of guilt or shame or fear. And who better to be angry at than God? No, I'm not being sarcastic. I think that if anyone would understand it would probably be Him.
3. I know I said I am still very hurt and sad, but somehow just writing it down was a little bit 'cleansing' if you will. I'm not un-angry yet, but feeling much more at peace with things today.
4. As if to really rub it in my face that everything happens for a reason; God gave me an opportunity today to have a really good, long conversation with a good friend about relationships. Her marriage is struggling and she's at the end of her rope. I got a text from her tonight that said our conversation today helped her more than the 4 months of counseling she's been going through. Wow! That was humbling.
Perhaps I should have told her that it was because I've been through about 10 years of counseling myself and a bunch with my hubby... I feel like I could almost write the stuff by now. ;) But maybe that's the point? I guess if I hadn't been through some deep water myself I wouldn't be able to help anyone else swim.
And yet part of me still wonders... if I see a person with a broken leg who is hurting, do I break someone else's leg so that they can be a sympathetic ear? It just doesn't quite add up yet.
To be continued... I am sure.
Ps. I should mention that I am in fact giving up on one thing:
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